smut butter.

2009-09-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

me and drew by tamu.

pet.

2009-09-06T12:02:00.001-07:00

a woman just pet my moustache at work.

objectivist of my attention.

2009-08-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

i just saw a man downtown wearing a t-shirt that says "who is john galt?" on it.

i wonder if he's taking a break from the gulch.

today.

2009-08-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

blonde: boy, that's quite the John Waters look you have happening there.

me: yeah, it is. i love him.

blonde: yeah, he's a really nice man. i just met him last month. he is close friends with a pal of mine. he is so funny and charming.

me: really? wow. i'd love to meet him.

blonde: yeah, you would.

it doesn't belong in there.

2009-08-16T01:37:00.000-07:00

there was a hunter green box at the store, labelled 'clients'. it made me want to be enterprising. but i didn't buy it.

i did buy a bike with no green on it.

also, i just went to a gigantic underwear dance party in an alley in chinatown.

hands on buzzers.

2009-07-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

so i got an answering machine. and used the aforementioned greeting.

i go on a trip soon. greyhounding. bring a blankey. soon it's manta ray the monterey and gelato and swimming in lake(s).

my insta-perv look is going over well. parents have been pulling their children away from me, and all the right people have been giving me compliments. the people who understand.

just like when my favorite lesbian told me: "life is all about characters, not styles"

sometimes, at night, i wonder just how much weight my self-proclaimed 'storage unit' above my ceiling tiles will withstand before crashing down onto me. and the fluorescent light tubes will fall into my eye sockets, and scads of cockroach husks and cobwebs will funnel down them into my brain.

buy me a bottle of sherry.

clot.

2009-07-25T00:02:00.000-07:00

and then i told her, "i'm the type of person who picks up a piece of licorice off the floor with his foot and eats it."

but what does that triple-salted metaphor amount to? i don't know. even if i did know, i'd forget it before i got the chance to scrawl or type it.

also, i think i've decided to start blogging more. this is nice.

back to my forgetfulness: i should buy a little book to write things in. however, my little book of telephone numbers gets misplaced so often that i don't know if i could manage having two little books.

i was toying with the idea of getting an answering machine as well. the kind i will be able to hear my voice instructing the caller to leave a message, while i am curled in bed (alternately, on the couch) watching josef von sternberg movies and slathering myself in cake batter.

"it's not that i don't want to talk to you, it's just that the chocolate i'm bathing in is hard to pick out of the mouthpiece of my telephone with a paper clip. leave a message at the beep."

a message, and a reply.

2008-11-24T16:48:00.000-08:00

You are utterly fascinating, judging from your profile. And, going strong, I'd say, at 62 years of age. I am only 76.

I used to be an atheist, but I have been a follower of Jesus Christ for 45 years now during which time I have come to see how much God loves everyone just as they are. (I am not into religion).

Jesus said, "I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly." I did not become a Christian until the age of 30. I am 75 now. From experience I know all about the "before" and the "after" of knowing Jesus.

I care about people--because God does. I'd be glad to be a sounding board for your thoughts and ideas, and to pray for you when times are rough for you.

Thanks for listening, Lambert

***********************************

hello lambert. i find jesus too dry, but i do like lemon chiffon cake. i have been a follower of lemon chiffon cake for over 45 years now. i used to denounce lemon chiffon cake, but it came to me in my sleep and entered my mouth and i became a true believer. (i am not a follower of recipes)...

but here is one for lemon chiffon cake to help you become a follower, too:

* 2 1/4 cups sifted cake flour
* 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
* 1 tablespoon baking powder
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 cup vegetable oil
* 5 egg yolks
* 3/4 cup water
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 2 teaspoons finely grated lemon peel
* 1 cup egg whites (about 8 to 10)
* 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar

Preparation:
Into a mixing bowl, sift flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Make a well in center. To the well, add oil, egg yolks, water, vanilla, and lemon peel. Beat until smooth and creamy. Combine egg whites with cream of tartar; beat to very stiff peaks. Pour egg yolk batter in a thin stream over entire surface of beaten egg whites, carefully cutting and folding just to blend. Bake in an ungreased 10-inch tube pan at 325° for 55 minutes. Increase heat to 350° and cook 10 minutes longer. Invert pan; cool. Frost with seven minute frosting, fluffy frosting, or your favorite.

thanks for listening,

jaik.

2008-11-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

sassy moustache day.

2008-11-02T23:28:00.000-08:00

it's the truth

2008-10-04T00:19:00.000-07:00

i bought a frilly bedskirt today.

jaik's one sided telephone conversation

that's the link to something i've been working on for a very short amount of time.

the word on the street is that i also made nightlife magazine's top 10 best street stylin'. #9...it's better than #10 i guess...

you can check it out online here

...someone make me a website for my birthday.

also, frisky dingo is the funniest thing ever.

kwote me.

2008-09-29T00:49:00.000-07:00

memorable quotes from craigslist's m4m section:

"young guy seeks another youngish guy for oral and manual sex."

his sex doesn't have a clutch.

"THE SCENARIO:
kissing, snuggling, cuddling etc. Feeling a nice guy next to me who smells good and cuddles well puts me into utopia."

make sure you use your garden of eden scented body wash.

"...who would like to cum over for coffee living in anchor point or near by. please be a top and have some body hair."

clever!

"anonamous bottom,smooth,slim,uninhibited - 33 (east van)"

dictionary.com couldn't define this word, so i'll have to email and ask.

"New to park sex, looking to learn and gain experience."

and i thought park sex came naturally...

"I swallow everything you shoot down my throat guaranteed. Shoot me your stats and I will shoot you my number so you can shoot all your sperm loads down my throat a.s.a.p."

i hope he doesn't run out of bullets.

"going to wreck today to trail hike...got a 9 looking to poke a dude in the bushes..."

who knows, he could mean 9 feet. watch all of your bushes, dude.

"PUSSY MOUTH for HUNG DL COCK"

yeesh, i wonder what a pussy mouth looks like...

"2 brothers of the same mother looking for brothers of the same mother or other?
Call (six04) seven38-4924"

these incestual poets have a nice rhyme scheme, but it doesn't complement the ee cummings bit at the end.

"Hot Native TV in Maids Outfit will be at Stanley Park"

"Hey, I’m a long distance trucker doing BC - AB return at least a couple of times a week and sometimes further. I'm 50, 5'11", slim, 140 lbs, 7.5c, Brown hair / eyes, I look younger and I'm usually really horny.
I'm looking for a good looking "slim young teenager" who is interested in going along on trips.
I would enjoy having a boy come with me, who is happy and willing to share my bed etc on the road.
I'd like a slim young teenager (legal minimum age – 20) similar to myself or smaller physically who is well hung and I prefer cut, to be my companion on road trips. Please provide as much detail as possible, your pic gets mine.
No fat or older replies unless you’re really slim and cute and well hung.
Maximum age 21 please."

darling, truckers can't be choosers.

fleagle.

2008-09-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

i fink im a lil deprest.

shit happens, try not to smear it all over the new paint i guess.

i want a website. i want my webcomic to be not all cut-off and illegible. maybe if that happened it would be funnier.

there's a man who i crush on with a drawl and a red complexion. the skin i can see through his torn jeans looks sunburned, nearly 2 weeks into autumn. he winked at me once. just once.

painting and noodles and soda water and lemon will cheer me like soap. sudsy.

is there anything more attractive than david bruce in Mad Ghoul? i fucking doubt it.

sunday, sunday

2008-09-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

pulpy grapefruit juice and morrissey.

unsatisfying flea markets at trout lake.

too hot a woolen hat.

but i shined my shoes. and another man's.

a latte, too. why not? it is sunday!

let loose or something. you know?

then i have to spend a lot of time painting a plastic cow's likeness.

life's little zeniths.

apricot, apricot.

2008-09-12T02:08:00.000-07:00

soon school will consume me.

i need to do laundry.

and/or bake a cake...

lithography is going to kick my ass.

so it goes.

i'm over kurt vonnegut.

ashbucket.

2008-09-09T01:59:00.000-07:00

i have a suicide hotline.

if ever you think i'm going to kill myself, call me. 604 569 3293.

i do a better job than ted bundy.

get that joke.